People that have known me from when I was young would describe me as being a cheerful, energetic and hard working person. I did tend to get stressed out easily, but I also considered myself to be an optimist and I would have never predicted that I would end up having a depressive episode with suicidal ideation before graduation, but I did.
When I started university, I had managed to plan my life in such a tight schedule that there was hardly any time left for sleeping. I was studying full time, I worked 2 jobs to pay for college and for my house, I took care of my mother who was ill and lived nearby, I worked out 3 to 4 times a week, and I occasionally went out to party in the weekends. I had kept this busy lifestyle up for as long as I could remember, so I never questioned whether I would keep it up now. But when I got a job offer at my internship, and when the time came to start writing my thesis, I started to feel the pressure.
The realization that I would have to keep this up in order to successfully finish my education and ensure my job at my internship hit me hard, and I started to get stressed out. Because of this, I felt agitated for most of the time, and I always felt rushed. I also worried a lot, especially when I laid down in bed to go to sleep, and after a few weeks I was lucky to get 3 hours of sleep per night. During that time I also lost my joy in eating, while cooking (and eating) had always been my hobby, so I gradually lost a little bit of weight. I stopped going out in the weekends because I was too tired and I felt weaker and more mellow every day. But I wanted to keep up my education and jobs no matter what because I was very ambitious.
I was too tired and I felt weaker every day
After a couple of weeks of feeling weak, agitated and mellow, I started to worry that I would not be able to keep up my lifestyle this way. This scared me, because I realized that I had built my life around working towards reaching my educational and occupational goals, but I had left out a very important aspect of life, which was making friends and building a network. I found myself in need of support, but I had no network to get support from.